She knows its stupid to risk it all on the actions of a man, but she's a girl, its what they do. They know they're going to fall, but the feeling just before you slip is the best feeling of all, and that makes all the pain worth it somehow?

She's not so sure anymore. She wonders why its so difficult for people to just say what they mean and what they feel, after all if they were up front there would certainly be more understanding in the world. She wonders how he could just stab her in the back the way he has, he must have known that she'd find out.

In fact it doesn't even matter to her why he said it, an unhealthy obsession he believed she had, defy her belief that he understood her. She thinks she should be used to that by now. There was a reason the she vowed all those years ago to trust no one but herself, people always lie, they're selfish and you cant believe a word they say. 

Even those she had began to call friends were now showing their true colours. She was not a friend to them, she was a case study, an experiment into their own influence. It sickened her to think that she had readily trusted these people with her secrets. She's angry that she let down the walls she had taken so long to put up, but most of all she feels lost. The ground that she thought was stabile was crumbling, she was being pushed towards the cliff and for once in her life she just wanted to fall. After so long she realised that things are better at the bottom. 

Sick of putting stock in the appearance of others, she's giving up. It's not important, her life is a vessel and she is ok with that. She will serve her purpose the way god sees fit and deal with all that comes, but no longer will she share the things that make her who she is.